Twists and turns in turning twenty…

Here I sit barely 100 min left in my teenage. I plan to use it in the best possible way, I can and sit down to write this…(I seriously doubt my decision though!)
Soon would end my cheerful and fun filled run as a teenager… and so would the infamous resolution I made some six months back! (Which unfortunately was never “close” to its completion)
I wd no more enjoy the status of being a “kid”… edging out of troubles and responsibilities! Though I am yet to use a “shaving cream” to shave my non existent beard I would suddenly be called a “young man”. I fear I wd just double up the already sky kissing expectations people have from me… jus coz I m turning twenty!
One thing though, I would no more be written off in every damn matter saying I am jus a kid! Coz I wd be twenty, and have (at least) a say in anything and everything.
I guess its a warning bell… saying I must get serious with life! If it is, I sure hate to hear its crystal clear ringing in my ear!
Anyways..this Dec 3 I wont just be completing another year, But another decade! A decade filled with struggle, fear, anxiety, achievements, let downs, happiness, sadness and loads of unfulfilled expectations which would be carried on to the next!
Sometimes I feel be I didn’t do complete justice to my teenage, didn’t make use of it all that well, But on second thought I sure did better than many others!!!!

Shailesh R Nadar
11:10 pm, Dec 2, 2007.

End-sem blues!!!

“And ther, the monsters approach.. as huge and scary as they always are!!"

--- anonymous
November is nearing its end!! Endsem time again… The only thing that scares the shit outta every one who had in the past, experienced its magnanimity… The power with which the cyclone strikes, leaving nothing but a mess of debris behind!! It’s only those who have lost everything in the Endsem storm who would really understand it! And well I lost not once, not twice… but multiple times…

You feel like you are one of those soldiers in the movie 300 armed with just a spear. As you helplessly watch the hordes of Persian army descend upon you… The idea is no more to win the war… or to kill the enemy. It’s just to stand your ground against the min- numbing force and come out alive and if possible smiling…

The excessive pressure to perform every single time… crushes every single drop outta you!! Many a times this goes in vain!! It leaves u tattered, shattered and broken… it really takes you considerable amount of time to come in terms with reality…

Endsems are like being thrown in the ring blind folded against Mike Tyson!! Unarmed and unprotected… Its no more about throwing punches… its more about proving a point by dodging as many deadly punches as you can, before the inevitable “knock out”

Believe me sometimes you are not even given a chance!! One Bang and KO!! ting ting ting!! They can sometimes be scarier than the scariest of your nightmare.

Again and over again…they never change, Endsems are always the same. The only thing one can expect is a better outcome… Like surving the war or comin out of the ring ALIVE!!

Shailesh R Nadar
10:15 pm, Nov 23, 2007.

Crash.. r ther!!

“Sleep is the second most pleasurable thing to do.. so go n enjoy every bit of it.”

--- SHAILESH R. NADAR

Well sleep was never an issue before comin here(IIT).. it was never such an integral part of ma life as it is now.. Though the hours have remained more or less the same or may be even reduced they seem much more meaningful now.
Now I realize the so called “sleep” I used to sleep was more a mechanical activity. Bed at 12 or 1and rise at 7or 8. Same shit over and over again.
Never knew the thrill of goin into a nite... not knowing when u gonna sleep…

I quite mastered the art of sleeping, over the years, And have broadly classified them into six types..

1. Most normal kind of nite sleep: its those times wen u ready ur bed wen ur eyes start to wink, then put off the comp, lite, go to the bog(I spose every one does that), set the alarm and hit the sack well prepared.. and yaa even keep a bottle of water near your bed. You drift into sleep with a faint smile.Zzzzzzzzzzz..

2.We came, we saw, we collapsed kinda sleeps: Remember those times, jus back from baddy at 1, or jus walked all the way from main-gate from a late nite treat. Your body starts listening to ur muscles before it does to ur brain, which BTW stops functioning by that time. Forget latching the doors, the only thing u ever do before goin to bed is remove ur footwear. Dhumm dhadaash!! Hit the bed with a audible sound.Zzzzzzz

3. Late nite ooops early morning sleeps: Those weekends wen u wait for the world to sleep.. putting movie marathons on ur comp. They happen wen u r really satisfied with urself… like comin outta quizzes alive…etc etc. Time keeps ticking… 2am… 3am… 4am… 5am … and with the first stroke of sunlight u start yawning and hit the bed with little or no idea about when u gonna wake up!! Zzzzzzz

4. Afternoon sleeps: As against the general notion of sleeps this sleep doesn’t reenergize or refresh u but drains energy outta u and leaves u good for nothing for the rest of the day. But still, till date the most satisfying of all the sleeps… U feel doped wen u fall(Mind u I don dope..)… may be the word “crash” has its origin from here… doze off with mouth open totally unaware of things around. Zzzzzzzzz

5.MSB(Mech. Sciences Block) sleeps: Being in Mechanical, I dare not miss this!! Those hours of LVR(Man Tech), Design of Machine Elements and Heat transfer which we spent sleeping.. Though these sleeps are shallow, believe me you can even manage to have dreams if u r in the right place… Aaah awesome experience!!

6.Miscellaneous: And then ther are sleeps which fall in neither of the above categories. What do u call wen u wake up at nine and fall asleep agin by 10.30, when u doze off at 6 in the evening and wake up by 9. Well, I classify them under the misc. category.

That was SLEEP... classified for you!!!

Aaaaaaaggrrrh !! enough of classification... its 11.30 pm already..
I gotta CRASH!!!

Shailesh R Nadar
11:31 pm, Oct 28, 2007.

Screw u Shaastra!!!!

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Quiz1 blues!!

And there it was.. I could see it coming. It was just Thursday and I could feel the euphoria of the “weekend”.. Weekends are gen special with Saturday standing out as the best day of the week. In fact, I feel there must be more Saturdays in a week. For two reasons:

• You don have to do anything on Saturdays and
  
• You don have to do anything on the day that follows..

48 guaranteed hours of stress-less life… what more can one ask for!!

Gen fart apart, this weekend seems much more special and not jus a 2 day holiday. After a week of back to back quizzes, a week of three-hr-sleep nights, a week filled with anxiety, skepticism and fear, it looks like a perfect refuge. A couple of days to sit back and relax, to defragment my mind crammed with Man-Tech, Engines, Heat Transfer and Turbo-machines and make space for the agony that follows on Tuesday, Dyn of Mach. Elements.

Still its peaceful.. in the sense I have at least got time to smile and relax(and write this post) amidst the Quiz-storm…

PS: This Quiz was more painful in a way for I mugged with Mr. Bulla, a 'stud' who gets all stud-level doubts barely hours (literally hours) before the quiz... confusing me in the final moments.

Shailesh R Nadar

1:46 pm, Sep 13, 2007.

A nite of the tsunami.. a nite with "Chak De"

Till now I held an impeccable record(twenty years) of never been wet by the splash of rain water by passing vehicles, only to be broken on sunday in a truly magnaimous way.
Sunday evening we were all set to go for the most awaited "Chak de". We got down at thousand lights and everything was fine until it started drizzling and moments later raining. we ran to seek shelter to the nearby bus stop. Waited for 20 mins or so... soon it was time for the show so we decided to brave ourselves through the rain. And ironically the rain almost stopped as soon as wee came out. But to gen put pseud I held my hankie over my head to prevent my hair from the sparsely falling drops. May be the psued puttin was jus too much, the next moment I was in wet from from head to toe supposedly by a wave, a foot or two taller than me. I was stunned, Cmon it was the sidewalk not even the road and i had taken bath hardly an hour ago and din deserve another bath.
Wet inside out I went on to enjoy the best Bollywood movie I have ever seen... "Chak de! India".
God level direction, lotta attention to details, Shahrukh at his best, geniune hockey moves, stud level background music, spirited dialouges and girls and girls everywhere!!!! What more do u want?
What!!! still readin!!! Go, catch the movie.

Shailesh R Nadar
9:10 am, Aug 15, 2007.

Still a Virgin????...... Aaaah cut the crap..

It was sunday afternoon... absolutely nothing to do... so went around personalising the stuff in my new room #360 SARAS.. by writing my name on the door, window, almirah. "Virgin" in cursive as in the virgin of "Virgin Atlantic".
It was then it suddenly struck how weird my name was. The name I hated at first.The name which invited oohs and aahs whenever someone heard it. Everyone.. believe me each and everyone, be it seniors or batchmates made a point to ask "So.... still a virgin haan?".. What the f**k... "Well how many times have you ****** dude" was the way I almost always wanted to retort, but i never did. In third year.. and I still encounter people who end up asking the same question.
Well time passed and I started liking my name... albeit christened "virgin" for the rest of the stay in the campus and the funda behind the name as lame as "You never ****** ** (oops!! censored by CCB) before coming to IIT.. so u r a virgin"... (Well in Chandler Bing's words "Can it.. BE any lamer??"). Still it didnt seem that bad. Not as bad as others.. (The CBB (Censor Board of Blogging) disallows me to put those names up here, so I ideally refrain from doin so.)
Infact now I feel happy or even proud (as u may say)..of the same name. proud enough that I have even created a sign (pic above) to paste on my door. Ironical is'nt it??

Shailesh R Nadar
4:50 pm, Aug 12, 2007.

P.S.-- The nick names at IIT Madras are strictly given by seniors after an extensive interactive session("ragging" in crude words). And these are the names which are carried forward for the next 4 or 5 yrs.

A Cold Welcome!!

Its 4:00 in the morning and I sit wide awake on board 6009, Mumbai-Chennai mail.
I look around and reckon that I am the only one awake, the whole compartment sleeps as if it has never slept before. All I hear barring the regular chuck-chuck of the train are the snoring and the deep breathing of co-travelers.
And for the first time in three months I feel alone and I start scribbling in the faint light....
I look outta the window. Its still dark outside. But I see silhouettes of trees and small buildings racing past me...
Just as a station approaches I crane my neck and strain my eyes through the stained glass window. "TIRUVALLUR" it was... "Well!! Madras again" I thought...
Suddenly a blast of cold air hits my face, bringing me back to reality.
Yet again Madras din fail to gimme a Cold and Hard Welcome...!!!

Shailesh R Nadar
4:10 am, July 25, 2007.

Campus (not) calling…Yet bye-bye Mumbai

So, it is time to bid good bye to home yet another time, Yet it was somewhat different from the last six times I left home..

Summer vacations are always difficult.. With three long months you become quite settled and develop a sort of ‘inertia’ and it tends to become difficult to move again.. Unlike winters in which u start packing again almost as soon as u completely unpack..

Still this time it seems different and unfortunately difficult. By the end of the hols there is always a sort of hollowness partially overshadowed by a sense of euphoria. Hollowness coz you are leaving home… And Euphoria coz the campus awaits… Towards the end (of the vacations of corz) the campus seems to call, and it really does, every single time except for this time..

I strain myself to hear, but it still doesn’t call, for reasons known to my brain but reasons which my mind refrains to accept… I know what awaits me!!! More pressure.., more tension… more responsibilities!! And above all, I take with me a mind already crammed with annoying possibilities and ideas. Damn!! The three months (or 78 days to be precise) seemed so simple, so smooth so welcome.

With barely 6 hours left before my train to Madras departs… I know I have little choice… I better know its bye-bye home for the next four months. A friend of mine says I always force on a smile on my otherwise expressionless face… I know that when I reach my hostel, I will force the same smile, only that it will take me more effort this time around…

Shailesh R Nadar
4:55 pm, July 23, 2007.

Letter to a betrayed mate(oops!!... sorry Prez.)

Dr Kalam,
This is Shailesh, from a corner in the western part of the country, one of the many young minds you successfully ignited!! I feel sorry for you deserved a much better sent off.... I feel sorry for you were ruthlessly betrayed. You were the best till now and in times to come. No wonder you flip-flopped.. you are a scientist after all and not a politician.. But great!! that you stood your ground in the end. Don worry about presidentship. You, Dr APJ Abdul Kalam being The President of the Republic of India was a honour to the post itself and not vice versa. You did what no one did... and probably would never be able to do as a president:
You won a billion hearts,
Inspired a billion minds.
But you were too upright to please the rotten rasculs of the Congress... Doesnt matter... for no one cares. The most coveted position in India has just become more coveted(for you had occupied it). Tommorow you may not be the President but will still remain the the only man who dreamt and taught us to dream of a Developed and a Better India. We love and respect you (as we would always do) becoz you are Kalam... not because you are the President.. Finally HATS OFF TO YOU Mr Kalam. I am proud to have walked the Earth with a man of your stature...
GO KALAM!!! YOU ROCK!!!

Regards,
Shailesh R Nadar

8:18 pm, 26th June, 2007

F**k spitters!!

Too harsh as it may sound.. but they(spitters) are one of those few people whom I feel like thrashihng black and blue whenever I see them.
But little did I know that this hatred towards a particular class would lead to me getting into a duel(verbal though) with a loafer of our building.
A few days back that bugger was standing at the corner of our terrace munching paan (as it seemed to me) constantly spitting on the whitewashed wall and parapet right above our window. Once I ignored, twice I did, but how much can a man take.(..those who take more are not men, but spineless !@#!@#$%)
I went forward and in the softest of my tones asked why was he doing so. Like a beast(ugliest of all) ready to pounce he started shouting: not important it was completely senseless anyway. One thing lead to another and ended up me showing him the 'finger'(You know which one!)
Matter reached Dad. No probs for he believes a lot in me to scold me on such trivial matters... Dad though was happy for I called spade a spade. He sympathised with me but gave me two important lessons:
1.Society will change only if its smallest contituents, individuals themselves change. Its no one man show.
2.Donot go out changing people, they themselves would if they want to. Be the way you are
Today I see him in the same spot above our house munching the same shit, and then look at the slab above our window there is nothing today. I knew i couldn't stop him from spitting elsewhere, but on my house... HELL I DID!
But now, I see many more spitters(may be I notice them now)... Someone spits on the way, still I don say "What the F**k!!!", I don ask "Why!!". I flinch a bit, go around it and make my way home...

Shailesh R Nadar
10:15 am, June 21, 2007.

Breakfast… at Mummy’s

IIT till now has given me many things I never dreamt of, and made me something I never was, memories I will cherish all through life and blah blah blah c’mon u know what crap follows!!!

Bottom line- It has given me a lot (too many to name)!!!

But remember everything comes at a price, only that the price (or one of the many prices I paid) this time was my “breakfast”. Dats precisely wat happens when “the probability if u having breakfast” starts depending on factors like

- the time u wake up
- climate of the day
- food in the mess
- ur moood! and blah blah…

BIG DEAL!! U may think. But it has played a huge role in reducing my

already pathetic weight of 59 kgs by more than 9% (9.32 to be precise!) to 53.5 kgs in two years. That may seem insignificant to many.. but it took me 18 long years to gather those 59 odd kgs.

Big bro (until two years back) used to get scolded (a lottt!!) for matters regarding studies. But somehow I managed to beat him in the degree as well as the volume of the scolds for reasons ranging from ‘carelessness’ to ‘singing out loud’ (shouting- dats wat Dad says it is!) and ‘not bathing in time ’ to ‘idleness’ (see lil’ bro’s diversified family business!!). to the present hot topic for the last two weeks-

“Not eating properly back at IIT”

This blog is written out of the exasperation, anguish and guilt arising from the repeated interrogation and cross-examination (by Mom and Dad) about my eating schedule at IIT. Sometimes it becomes rather difficult with Mom (who is endowed with argumentative skills of a criminal lawyer) when she traps me with my own words!!

Will someone plz tell ‘em breakfast at mess, is not ‘steaming dosais with milagai podi (the best sidish ever known to mankind) coupled with neatly cut boiled eggs with the right amount of pepper and salt sprinkled and a glass of cold milk luring u to gulp it down.’

It is walking to the mess in the hot sun, standing in line with a steel plate eagerly hoping that the vadai would be less salty and the idlis will be a bit softer. Its hoping against hope that the sambhar would be less spicy and the puris would be less elastic. Moreover there is no ‘Mom’ standing beside to make sure, I eat every bit till the end.

Thats “mess” for you!! My friends!!
But…

For the next two months,
Mornings will be yummy!!

For I shall have,
Breakfast at Mummy’s…

-- Shailesh R Nadar

7:15 pm May 24, 2007.

Breakfast… at Mummy’s

IIT till now, has given me many things I never dreamt of, and made me something I never was, memories I will cherish all through life and blah blah blah.. c’mon, u know what crap follows!!!
(inset: The Giga Mess at IIT Mdras)
Bottom line- It has given me a lot (too many to name)!!!

But remember.. everything comes at a price. Only that, the price (or one of the many prices I paid) this time was my “breakfast”. Dats precisely wat happens when “the probability if u having breakfast” starts depending on factors like
- the time u wake up
- climate of the day
- food in the mess
- ur moood! and blah blah…

BIG DEAL!! U may think. But it has played a huge role in reducing my already pathetic weight of 59 kgs by more than 9% (9.32 to be precise!) to 53.5 kgs in two years. That may seem insignificant to many.. but it took me 18 long years to gather those 59 odd kgs.

Big bro (until two years back) used to get scolded (a lottt!!) for matters regarding studies. But somehow, I managed to beat him in the degree as well as the volume of the scolds for reasons ranging from ‘carelessness’ to ‘singing out loud’ (shouting- dats wat Dad says it is!) and ‘not bathing in time ’ to ‘idleness’ (see lil’ bro’s diversified family business!!). to the present hot topic for the last two weeks-
“Not eating properly back at IIT”

This blog is written out of the exasperation, anguish and guilt arising from the repeated interrogation and cross-examination (by Mom and Dad) about my eating schedule at IIT. Sometimes it becomes rather difficult with Mom (who is endowed with argumentative skills of a criminal lawyer) when she traps me with my own words!!

Will someone plz tell ‘em breakfast at mess, is not ‘steaming dosais with milagai podi (the best sidish ever known to mankind) coupled with neatly cut boiled eggs with the right amount of pepper and salt sprinkled and a glass of cold milk luring u to gulp it down.’

It is.. walking to the mess in the hot sun, standing in line with a steel plate eagerly hoping that the vadai would be less salty and the idlis will be a bit softer. Its hoping against hope that the sambhar would be less spicy and the puris would be less elastic. Moreover there is no ‘Mom’ standing beside to make sure, I eat every bit till the end.
Thats “mess” for you!! My friends!!
But…
For the next two months,
Mornings will be yummy!!
For I shall have,
Breakfast at Mummy’s…

Shailesh R Nadar
7:15 pm May 24, 2007.

A sem to forget… aanh or a sem to remember..??

The end of fourth semester must mark a new beginning to my life at IIT Madras.. or atleast I hope it will!

This.. incidently is also the sem I sweared at the most..

The REASONS clearly being-
- Academically the heaviest sem I would ever be in.
- Special mention to the math course LinAL (Linear Algebra) which is the crapiest thing I ever heard or will hear.
- My performance (academic) the worst ever, I spose.
- Low EQ (Entertainment Quotient) all through the sem.
- Away from home for the longest period in my life… 124 days..
- And last but not the least.. Expectations, many of ‘em were belied.

Here it starts..
The number ‘26’ acquires a NEW meaning..
The sem started on a scary note with 26 credits to complete.. u wd know better if u knew wat credits were. Attending the first few weeks of classes, we knew we will have to go through complete crap… and I bet it was!!

A SAARANG dat cupped..
Then came SAARANG our cult fest.. supposed to be the 5 most happening days of the even semester. But guess wat?? To add to the agony of the sem, it cupped and very badly at it. “An excuse for a pro show” by Sukhwinder Singh made half sure that the guests wont revisit SAARANG. And from my side… it cupped too.. despite of being in the Hospitality department I could not find a girl to go for Salsa with me… Can u believe it?? Well in my defence -- I din put fite!!

Quizzes came calling… infact without calling...
Well I don remember much… C’mon the sem is over daa!!..... :)

EQ!!!!
There was little or no entertainment this sem.. no enthu to watch English movies.. watched DDLJ, Bombay, Roja, Anbe Sivam and nothing new..
And with F.R.I.E.N.D.S over.. had to find solace with “How I met your Mother” and “Two and a Half Men”.

Nearing the end..
Towards the end it was reduced to counting the days.. End sems were seen as nothing but a barrier between home and hostel.. And all that remained was to cross it soon… whichever way possible!!!

Confidence graph!!!
Had a bumpy confidence graph all through sem... sometimes at my zenith and other times at my all time low....

**But still Every dark cloud has a silver lining.. And this sem, (DARK as you may call) was no different..**

I broke barriers this sem...
Be it the way I thought about people or the way I looked at life or be it the number of classes I bunked or the number of torturing PJs I shared (with a friend of mine)...

I came out of the shell called “SHAILESH”.. listened to arguments.. made mine and got convinced and made my point too.. Mind gave way for new ideas about future.. And for a change, I started thinking seriously about them... Life(minus acads) suddenly seemed much more peaceful..

Life used to be painful.. It(I mean ‘the sem’) taught me to find pleasure in the pain..

Experimented a lot.. did things I never did before.. and liked them too.. (I don mean booze or fag.. okay )

Finally….

Fell a lot this sem… but got up too…

Understood my friends well… and enemies better…

Suffered heavy blows… but din fail to strike back..

There were failures this sem, literally BIG in magnitude, but the HOPE for REVIVAL still remains..

And it is for this one reason.. This sem would remain as a “Sem to remember” and never to forget..

1:52 am, May 9, 2007 Shailesh R Nadar.