Monday, October 5, 2009

Hail the Sleepers!

This is a tribute for all those brave souls who courageously take on the sleep monster each day and day after day in the 8 am slot every morning against the rising waves of boring lines. This one was written in one such class just for the sake of staying awake!!


When the sleep takes over,
There's nothing one can do.
Handwriting starts to hover
And I no more have a clue!

I try and hide for cover
Or crouch behind a bro;
For when the sleep takes over,
There's little one can do.

Life becomes a pain,
As the clock ticks real slow.
Prof. looks at me in disdain,
As my head begins to bow.

Ma limbs I shake,
My eyes I blink.
But neither I stay awake,
Nor am able to think.

My eyes are freakin' red,
My ass is fuckin' sore.
All I need is a bed
And I will cease to bore.

Now, I can no more rhyme,
As am in shit so deep.
Pardon me this time,
And let me go to sleep!!!

Shailesh R Nadar.
12:50 pm, Oct5, 2009.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

What the L(f)uck!!


I would have never done it, if not for the lure of the treat offered by my friend. There are somethings which we are not very proud of but still enjoyed doing it. This is one of those.
It was watching the movie LUCK on the big screen.
Starring Sanjay Dutt, Imran Khan , Shruti Hassan and Danny Denzongpa the movie is based on a feeble plot, filled with useless punchlines, meaningless one liners, mediocre acting, little or no action, snail's pace and well practically no attention to details. It was may be made keeping in mind an audience who will just accept anything shown on a big screen.
The movie's central theme is Luck and lucky people. And look how lucky the guys are:
Mithunda: After 35 years in a army, being a hero of three wars (three?? what the hell? which three?? India has fought jus 2 wars in the last 38 years.) Despit of surviving three wars he is just a Major at the age of 55. Has no money to cure his termianally ill wife and guess what? he is lucky.!!!
Imran Khan: Father dies of heart attack after a stock market scam, he is neck deep in debt, cant tell his mom about it, US visa gets rejected thrice and If he does not pay back 20 crores in 2 months he is in deep deep shit. And guess what he is LUCKY tooo???
Komal Chauthala(the short hockey wiz of chak de!) : First things first, she is a Pakistani!!! Are we still goin to debate her luck. Further, born in Pakistan, sold by parents for a mere 15000 rupees (may be Pakistani rupees), who rides lame camels and cleans their shit for a living. And she is LUCKY too.
The only genuinely lucky person would be Ravi Kishen, who despite of raping and murdering 13 girls still survives the noose. Well in India thats not particularly lucky either. Here even terrorists donot reach the noose. He was actually unlucky to be there in the first place.

Well then the USP of the movie : The dialogues, all of 'em in irritating yet amusing third person.
They provoke, the blabber and ramble on with no reason whatsoever. Be it the ones like: "Tamang logon ko khareedta nahi hai... (you are left gasping for the punchline).... Bhaade mein leta hai!" What??? or the one that I call the most "Secular" dialogue in the history of Indian cinema: "Lakshmi tuje tika lagane aayi hai aur tu Eid ka chaand bana hua hai!" Danny Denzongpa has the best and worst of it!
Komal Chauthala, who I feel could have done with less than quarter of what she spoke. Be it provoking the Chinese guy unnecessarily or the one where she says: "Wahaan main unth(camel) ke neeche thi aur yahaan ghoda(gun) mere sir ke oopar hai!" Its as if she starts it and forgets to end it.
Coming to Shruti Hassan, have some standards!! After all you are the Indian Al Pacino's daughter. She mugs up those lines and delivers them with so much of caution that she forgets to act through it! But well with the bikini scene and ocassional cleavage flashes she among all, holds your attention. The only place where she resembles her father is in the number of roles. She does an unnecessary double role maybe to jus prove a point : "When Dad can do 10, I can do at least 2"
Albiet filled with cliches, LUCK takes even those much further. Like the scene in which Ravi Kishen the baddy shells out about a thousands rounds from his machine guns on Imran khan who is walking straight onto him and still even a single bullet fails to hit him. And the scene where he tries to rape Shruti Hassan. Well after raping 13 girls isn't he supposed to be a "pro" in it??? And he forgets to even lock the door through which later our hero charges in to save the heroine.
After all these which conviniently defy logic, rationality, common sense and sometimes even physics, they keep the Bazooka for the end.
You just can't assimilate how lucky Imran Khan is when you find out that his heart is on the right side of his chest. After that, its pretty much impossible to take any more shit and rightfully the makers of the movie knew it too, So they thankfully end the movie at that.
All said watch it with friends you will enjoy the stupidity of the so-called Action thriller.
And hmmm yeah... Best of LUCK, you would need every bit of it!

Shailesh R Nadar.
11:32 am, Jul 29, 2009.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

They killed Savita... You B***ards!

"90 % of the guys like savita bhabhi, while the rest 10% lie!"

Try finding a guy who would refute this!!
Thats the reason, I could not believe myself when I read this morning that the Savita Bhabhi website was banned in India as per a directive issued by the government. After moral policing and tapping phones this is hitting a new bottom for the hypocritical Indian government and to no less effect, the Indian society. But banning a comic strip (well... not very comic, but c'mon, at the end of the day its just a comic strip). This is goin too far.

A country of the Kamasutra: one of the most well versed treatise on sex ever written, the land of Khajuraho, just could not withstand a desi Debonnaire. Hail the Indian society which declares 'talking about sex' anti-social and taboo, the precise reason why I refrain to put a pic of Savita Bhabhi for the post, lest my post be branded immoral and indecent.

To trivialize the website as just another source of porn is not only short sighted but also grossly bigotrous. It was symbol of something new which (though not intentionally, but) tried to open up the society from its prior narrow, intolerant self. It was a sign of the rising new thought where sex is not a matter joke or something taboo and talking about it is nothing to be ashamed of. A focre which had the potential to break the shackles of the restricted, sexually repressed Indian society.

But well, they say it was contaminating the Indian society, disrespecting women and vilifying the Indian family system. But c'mon whom are we kiddin?? A country where a woman is raped every 27 minutes and has more than 20,000 cases of rape reported every year, where female foeticide and infanticide are still not uncommon, where women are still mistreated everyday in millions of households across the country. Don't get me wrong, but we donot need a comic strip to teach us how to disrespect women. We have a PhD in it already.

Last but not the least, the guys who decide whether or not we must have access to the website are plainly too old to appreciate the character in its raw form, leave alone the 'class act' called Savita Bhabhi.

As Pralhad Kakkar rightly puts it: "She will be reborn on CDs, DVDs or as the heroine of videogames. She will remain every man's fantasy. She will become a cult thing. "


Shailesh R Nadar.

10:52 pm, Jul 19, 2009.


PS: Read the fitting Obituary of Savita Bhabhi in Times Of India.
Savita Bhabhi's dies.,, Hail Indian Hypocrisy.
And guess what? its written by a woman.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Carpe Noctum... Sieze the Night!

It was early morning 2:00 AM on 7th May 2009. We three : Galli, Dopa and me were out on main road near GC, playing football with a ball of the size of a human testicle. Shouting and wailing in the middle of the night it was not a surprise that we invited some angry inhabitants of the "Staff Quarters" part of the campus.
Soon we came to know that this was what Galli - the 'sentiman' always wanted to do. Actually a part of Galli's "VirGaDo list" - things to do before one leaves the insti. So we proudly checked one from the list.
Discussing the list further he revealed things like losing virginity, getting a girl friend or rather having an emotional relationship with a girl blah blah blah... till he said he wanted to take a dip in the swimming pool in the middle of the night. Now this was something we could possibly do at the dead of the night, let alone losing virginity.
At first it sounded scary... security on the prowl, police guys roaming around in bikes and the possibility and the consequences of getting caught trying to sneak into pool. But then it was Now or Never". It was then we three decided to take a dip in the pool that very night.
All the way to the pool we were convincing ourselves that it would be easy, discussing every possible way of getting caught and rebuilding the strategy again and over again.
Not a minute after we reached the back gate of the pool and were inspecting it for any guards, our first glitch: two guys in khaki on a bike stopped just behind asking who we were. Still sweating from the midnight football, we had a hard time convincing them we were students, on a night walk. We took a complete tour of the perimeter of the pool till the main entrance. Again caught staring over the compound by the security guard. We tried to act casual got our asses back to the back gate.
Now here was the situation:
A guard in front and a room in the pool premises with lights on and more importantly with us having no idea whether anybody was there inside. But the time of reckoning had come, we had to go in. It was decided that me and Dopa go in first and if we successfully go past the room, Galli keeps a watch on the front guard else we run for our lives.
We carefully get ourselves over "an excuse for a compound" adjoining the gate with no barbed wire and land ourselves in the well-lit corridor which leads to the pool. There was no place to hide and more so no reason to do so, Cuz anyone in any corner of the pool premise would spot us anyway. We walked carefully with meticulous steps and straining our eyes to see against the light to check for guards. Slowly we reached the room (with lights still on). Crouching now, to avoid the sight of anyone through the window we reached the door of the room, only to find a pair of slippers outside and the room unlocked...
But 'twas too late to turn back. Dopa had already signaled Galli to go and keep a watch on the front guard. Crouching behind the silhouette of the room , me and Dopa were trying to converse telepathically. But frankly speaking telepathy is not easy shit. Damn, I could not understand a single expression. We had to blurt it out at the end. I ask rhetorically, "Karna hai kya??" bang comes the answer "Ob!". Now this guy has some guts.
I checked my watch, it was 2:30 am. Not a sound, except that of crickets. The water of the pool was dead still , not a single ripple. We could see an impeccable reflection of the diving tower in the water. Except the intermitent sounds made by animals in the bush the only noise I could hear was our breathing.
We mustered courage and as quietly as possible crawled across the room, trying hard to keep our heads below the window of the room. It was apparently a pump or a sterilizer room and we had no freakin' idea what was a guy doing inside it at 2:30 in the morning. With the room crossed we walked on the grass adjoining the pool. It was pitch dark in this region of the pool.
We reach the far and dark corner of the pool. Now, Dopa steps forward towards the pool. Climbs down the stairs and midway we hear a hustle in the bushes. Dopa stops, knee deep in water. A few ripples were already traveling across the Olympic sized pool. We waited for about 30 seconds like statues waiting for further noise from that direction. With none coming, Dopa continues to descend into water. Completely immerses himself in and rises. Slowly climbs up and back to the grass. It was my chance now. Around that time we catch a glimpse of the guy walking inside the room. We stay inert for some time and after a minute or two, its my turn to go. I remove my shirt and advance towards the already disturbed water. I check my watch again. 2:38 AM. I go down as slowly as possible but come out with jerk. The noise of droplets of water hitting the pool surface is too much to be quiet. I climb out, water lavishly dripping from my cotton trousers. It was done for the both of us. But what about the guy who actually wanted to do it. Galli!!
We retrace our path, this time with extra care as the wet slippers were making a hell of a squeaking noise. We climb out of the gate, half scared, half excited. But it was galli's turn now, and don't go by his size, this guy was too terrified to go alone. So it was me and Galli this time. Seconds after I was out of the premise I was in again, this time with Galli. My heart still racing at 120 bpm, we race towards the pool. crouch around the room. And reach the pool. It was one of the 'firsts' for Galli, stepping into the insti pool. And what a way to do it. He pushes his six feet frame into the water creating a din, goes down for 2 seconds and guess what!! The dude comes up gulping a gallon of water. Starts coughing badly, still in the pool. I ask him to keep quiet and make it fast. But poor guy still madly coughing out water. Gathers his stuff and we start running towards the back gate. Well, damn! Galli, still coughing. The room was yet to be crossed and we could sense movement inside. But there was no time to wait with Galli's condition not improving, we clamored to the gate, dripping water all through the way and slippers squeaking and squealing all the time. Moments later we jumped out of the compound. Once out of the gate there was no way we could control our excitement. We had done what no man in insti had done before. Taken a midnight dip in the pool and had come out uncaught. So it was time to check one more thing from "VirGaDo" list of Galli's.
The night was still young and it was time to come back and put a movie!!
They say Carpe Diem...
We say "Carpe Noctum" -- Seize the Night!!

Shailesh R Nadar.
4:22 pm, May 07, 2009.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

A blog about "blogs"!!

I started blogging 2 years ago. With nothing interesting to write, very righteously stopped for the last 6 months or so.
Of late being bombarded by blogs through status messages, some even through personal 'pings' by people you least expect to blog (thankfully so for some like Chamiya.) I felt like starting again.
Blogs are supposed to entertain, intrigue and captivate the audience. But now the parameters have changed... Have got nothin to do?? lets blog. No movie to watch?? oh lets blog. Pained with acads?? lets blog.. pained in life?? lets blog. happy with life?? lets blog again. No net?? Lets blog. (and publish later without any further delay.) nobody to listen to your crap?? lets crap in the blog.No more a Soc-Sec?? lets blog. Finally and very truthfully "Absolutely jobless in a six month intern???" Oh sure! what more! Lets blog the shit out of it.

I would start with a disclaimer: I am not a stud blogger and the views presented below are strictly my own.
So sue me if you can!!!

Vishal aka Condom a very nice guy otherwise but when it comes to the blogosphere he is a merciless butcher. Leaves you wondering why we even live. You feel like buying of a 9mm beretta and blowing your brains out and more so blowing his out. (thats the fun in blogging, the blogger's always safe.)

Next comes Satyanveshi... yeah you know him... try harder... Bingo!! He is Mmanu Chaturvedi with a "double m" remember. His latest blog is a rigorous 3rd degree rant about how he fell head over heels (read became uncontrollably DESPO) for this MA chic and how his dick.. oops heart goes out for her.

Then comes good old friend Tejas. He is a plain stud, very philosophical but still a stud. I still could not fathom the reason why he took to blogging. May be he finished mugging?? Ok guys if you are blogging, then for the good of others let "philosophy" be the last topic you choose.

Now the big shots.
Revered Soc-Sec of Saras - Oval.
His blog 'read ovals mind' should have been 'keep reading oval's mind'... 'Keep on reading oval's mind'.... "Still reading oval's mind"...Zzzzzzzz.
So long are his posts that you forget the first part by the time you reach the last part. Well dude, people are jobless... but not to this extent.

Finally the God of Fart and the Queen of Gossip. The one and only Chamiya.
First words that come to my mind-- Why chammo why!!!!????
Being in Pune doing (read screwing up) his six month intern at FIAT and increasing the rate at which the company is already sinking, Chamiya feels away from home not being able to gossip. So the dude opens an online forum to gossip especially Saras gossip and hits the rock bottom with his first post about how ST kissed a guy after getting drunk... that too in excruciating detail.
We must not be expecting further posts from our dude as he is hell bent on saving his intern, since his manager unleashed hell on him after he fooled him to take a 2 week vacation.

All said. each of these blogs have their USP. arbitness of Condom to the give-up-ness of Mmnau, from the art lashing of Tejas to the Royal rant of Oval. Oh and Chamiya... Words fail me dude, Word fail me.
But I must give it to you... you are free to write SHIT in blogs... Isn't that why blog sounds a lot like bog.???

PS(to the junta involved): It's in the good spirit of Blogging. You are free to rape-its...

Friday, November 28, 2008

Mumbai bleeds, yet again!

For some it was yet another blast (or was it something else!) as a friend casually says it has been long since there were blasts! (long??? It ain't a Shah Rukh Khan movie).

For some it is a butt of their joke, as a a freshie looks at AN Roy on television and says 'Arey isko nahi maara kya??' followed by a smirk of triumph.

While for others it was one those precious moments wherein they can happily flaunt about how lucky they are, not to be a Mumbaiite!

While for most of us it was time to come up with the much cliché'd lines “Patil must resign.” “UPA sucks.” “What the hell is the govt upto?” “These cowardly bastards.” blah blah blah.

Well for me it was pretty much the same, frustration and anger out of the death of those innocent people with whom I used to share a city with. People who survive the one of the worst living conditions in the world (be it train travel, peak time rush or the crumbling infrastructure) to just survive, live and may be if the city gives them a chance, prosper. Those hundred dead citizens on whom lives of more than a thousand depended and who were near and dear to thousands of others. People don't deserve to die waiting for their train at CST after hard day's work by bullets fired by the so called fidayeen.

For me it was not only running through the above lines, swearing at the pakis, then the govt., then us people... as usual but this time around a bit more. It was not a blast, it was a few mad men prowling the city armed with heavy ammunition and modern weaponry. You never never know when a bullet whooshes past you and you are dead.

For me it was seeing the same places that I have been to many times smeared in blood. For me its the fear that all these happen a few miles from my home.

How can a group of ten terrorist hold a the financial capital of the country to ransom?? What was the govt doing?? Could it possibly have done something to stop it?? What did those 125 do to deserve such a death?? Will this incident make any difference in the govt policy?? there are thousand more questions of such kind! Which probably nobody can answer. Well I am not searching for answers either.

But life always limps back to normalcy within hours. Its one of the finest examples mumbaiites set to to the world as they send a clear message to the terrorists: “Do whatever, Life ain't gonna stop here!” The terror attacks on the city all through the years costed hundreds of lives but failed in their primary motive : terrorizing the people.

While talking to dad yesterday I had a feeling of deja vu of the morning of 12th July 2006 -- I had evidently failed in my attempt to keep my Dad from going to office, barely hours after the infamous 7/11 train bombings . Just before leaving he turns towards me and says “Be proud! You are a Mumbaiite.”

You bet I am!


Shailesh R Nadar.

1:52 pm, Nov 28, 2008.

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Solar torture.

For those who know him, the words above state the obvious. And for those who don’t shall never be able to fathom the pain he inflicts. They say that one doesnot even curse his worst enemies a cruelty of this order. Naah its not a third degree torture its jus sitting through 3 hours a week of “You know who” (if u got it till here u surely don’t need the name!), which is way better than my Energy brethren who bear 7 hrs a week of his nonsense.

He stutters, he bulbs, he rambles, he gropes and finally throws at you a set of jumbled words and leaves it to you to rearrange them to form a meaningful sentence. And all this while teaching (or that’s what he tries to do!) one of the driest stuff ever known to mankind. Those eyes which sparkle and try to search for answers of life in every corner of the class, while clearly demonstrating how confidently lost he is!

Its said that his lectures are finding better use elsewhere:

Rumor has it that the CIA is using the recorded tapes of his lecture to torture Al qaeda terrorists. It seems to work well as jus half way through they admit to all the charges framed against them.

These lectures even seem to find use in Anonymous rehab communities of people who have tried to commit suicide. They find comfort and more importantly inspiration from the sheer determination with which “you know who” rambles through the dry and who-gives-a-damn courses and yet finding a reason enough to live for the sake of research in that field!

The lectures are also being used as a standard for measuring patience. The number of minutes you can sit through his lectures have been given a status of standardized SI units, while research is still on for the cgs system.

Whatever it is, we still gotta sit three more weeks of the gory You know who’s torture!

Shailesh R Nadar.
9:52 pm, Oct 29, 2008.